Do not touch it, PLEASE!

             

    "Give me your phone".

Is the second most hated four word sentence by me, after "Give me your food".  (Also "I love you but" and "Are your results out?" are on that list)

Nowadays if someone asks me for my phone, all I say is, "Here, take my first born child instead". 

And I bet it's not only me who thinks this way. I am sure everyone one of you hates giving your phone to someone else. Be it for making a call or viewing that family picture you clicked on your cousin's birthday, whatever be the reason you just hate handing your phone to the second person. 

It's like your phone has all the secret information about ISIS and the only person who is officially allowed to get an access to it is 'You' yourself! 

The amount of protection that we apply on our phones is far more than the SPF offered by sunscreen lotions ( thumb impression lock, pattern lock which actually looks like some constellation, that screensaver thing in which you need to put the right key into the right hole ... 10 minutes taken just to unlock the phone). But all that is quintessential.

Imagine you are in the kitchen and your phone rings. Your mom's walking towards your phone to pick up the call. Mahn! I swear you've shoved that entire bread slice into your throat and have ran faster than the road-runner to reach your phone before your mom did. *Don't touch it. It's sacred. It's divine. It's Thor's hammer* ( except that only I can pick it up, not even Thor. What up Avengers reference!!!). All of us know the fear of leaving our phones unlocked and going for a shower. And all of us have snatched our phones from our dad's hand as if it was a buoyancy kit and you were underwater (or as if it was a parachute and you were falling from the sky. Mahn! Probably the most thought-about metaphor ever. Please just get the point).

Parents, uncle's, aunties, small irritating cousins ( the one's who ask "Do you have games in your phone?"), friends...nobody has the right to touch my phone. If you wanna use my phone, please go search the internet for the application of an entrance test to clear before touching it. Didn't find any? Because there ain't any! Nothing can enable you brother!

It's not only the phone fellas, but also the stuff in it that is to be kept away from people's eye! Wonder why? 

Here are 6 reasons why someone should refrain from touching/ using/ even looking at someone else's phone : ( that goes in alphabetical order) 

1. Contact list : If you happen to be close to me then the chance of your name being saved as 'your actual name' in my contact list is equivalent to having a cooler climate in Mumbai ( which equals to zero! This ain't happening boy!). I have a problem remembering names and that's the reason why I save people's name as a description about them. Literally a description, like those hash tags on Instagram. Every time I save such a number, my phone says Name too long. It's like an LAQ (Long Answer Question for those who don't know). And most of the time, the names are vulgar, debasing, offensive literally profane! And I don't use these #$@%#%&@ signs. I mean people write f#ck. Come on now what could supposedly be inserted instead of # to make it a word..let me guess.. u? What if you check out my phone and find your self christened? I don't even have the money to pay for the charges you'll impose on me after that.

2.Facebook and Instagram and everything else : Well, if you got into my Facebook you got into my life. My Facebook wall is literally an exaggerated version of my emotions in display. It's like my brain cut into pieces, made into posts and pasted onto my wall. If you get an access to my Facebook you'll come to know about everything that's going on in my life and that ain't good. You can view my block list, my hidden pictures, you can see the people whom I stalk, basically everything. And logging out of Facebook and Instagram and everything else on my phone every time, is just like climbing up an escalator on the wrong side, waste of time and energy!

3. Gallery: I keep pictures in my gallery which can literally raise questions on my CHARACTER (yes in caps and bold). Those quietly clicked photos of my best friends to blackmail them, those extra sassy pictures for Instagram, those photos saved from Facebook after stalking the person for ages, those memes made of all the people whom I hate, those stupid-face saved photos from Snapchat and many more pictures which are supposed to be kept unknown to the outside world. And I ain't got the time and patience to put everything into keepsafe. Duh! If you wanna see something on my phone, you need to lock your hands behind your back. And you are definitely not allowed to swipe left and right.

4. Messages : Presently, the only people (or machines rather) texting me through 'text messages' and not on Whatsapp are online shopping website servers and FedEx people notifying me about the status of my orders. Well, if my parents get to know about it then that's a serious threat. Because then they'll be able to know that I spend real money on buying these products and not free shopping vouchers that I tell them about. Also they'll come to know about all the products that I order and then I can't fool them by saying that I got it from the mall ( buy 1 get 1 free you know). That'll cost me a serious cut on my allowances and I really can't afford it!

5. Whatsapp : Because of the language that I use! Oh come on it's not Facebook to be polite and gentle. It's Whatsapp. It's the platform meant for speaking up what ever you want to. And trust me if my Whatsapp chat with my close friends is put into an audio, all you'll hear is "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep". In addition to that its the emojis!!! I use the 'heart coming out of the mouth with winked eye' emoji all the time. After every thank you, sorry, okay, ttyl, etc. I put that emoji. It has become a suffix to these words now. Many of us do that. We don't mean the heart and blushing and other 'such' emojis. But our parents aren't going to understand that! Naturally!

6.YouTube and Google Chrome : For obvious reasons. (Well, we're all humans and we always keep seeking for knowledge. And more knowledge. And the thirst for knowledge never ends). *winks*

Okay that's it. 

Now don't go upto telling my parents to check my phone. Some points have been exaggerated for an additional effect 

(because I can't use CGI here). 

Also if you know of any other reasons, feel free to comment below. Any other constructive comments are also welcome. In case you don't have a Google account 

(please get one soon) comment on my Facebook comment box along with the usual like, share, subscribe.

#seeyousoon