40 minutes in the Ladies Compartment!
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| PC: Google (because I was too scared to click a picture in that crowd) |
After a long time,I travelled through the ladies compartment of the Mumbai local.Not that I always travel by road or something.I mentioned 'after a long time' because I've been staying in Kolhapur for my studies lately.And FYI Kolhapur doesn't have local trains.So in my journey of 40 minutes, here's what I found about women who travel (almost daily) by train and how each one has adopted a peculiar behavioural pattern in their day to day train journeys.
I got into the train quite at the peak hours of the day when most office going women board the train.It was packed as always.If you've ever observed carefully,there's always a board in every compartment which mentions the number of people which the compartment should contain at the maximum.Well I bet people in Mumbai don't even care about it.For them the maximum number of people in the compartment is 'the number at which someone falls off from the train'.And trust me the only hope driving them to complete their journey upto their desired station is 'Dadar me train khaali ho jayega'.
Getting back to what I was saying,three stations down I got a seat.And yeah people,I bagged the 'fourth seat'.People who don't travel by the local train might wonder why am I emphasizing so much on some kind of a seat.Well FTI (*For Their Information) the 'fourth seat' is a very special seat.You need to have a blend of a perfect body type,subtle yet needy facial expressions and exorbitant balancing skills in order to deserve the 'fourth seat'.The 'fourth seat'is when three people seated on a seat(which is actually for three people only) shift and make space for a fourth person to be seated there at the edge of the seat.(Yeah keep applauding!).
As I sat there,I noticed that there are particularly 6 main types of women in probably every ladies compartment.They are as follows:
1. The desperate seat wanters - These women get into the train with the sole motive of getting a seat.As soon as they board the train,before even taking a breadth,they open their mouth to ask the most important question of their life "Kuthe utarnaar?" "Kaha utroge?" "Where will you get down at?"They have a certain process for getting a seat.They ask this question to each and every woman who has a seat,then on the basis of their answers they contemplate which is the nearest station and then they declare whose seat will be taken by them.Sigh!
2.The observant: This is a very special type of women in the compartment.They are the ones who've taken the John Rhodes quote " Do more than look- observe" way too seriously.I mean they are pretty harmless.All they do is diligently look at every woman in the compartment.From your clothes, shoes to that small tattoo who've inscribed at the back of ur right ear pinna,they eye everything.I mean they have these well designed eyes with an enormous visual acuity and mind boggling field of vision that sitting at one place they can see 360 degrees around them.(Talent!)
3.The panelists: This is one of the most irritating type of women.They don't know who you are yet they behave as if they used to sit next to you in school.They question you like the PI panel of IIM( only difference is that their questions are spineless).They ask you your name,where you are from,where you are headed to,the number of your breakups,why your last relationship didn't work,which shampoo do you use...blah ...blah.They just go on and on and that too with a certainty loud voice for all the women around you to hear.They scare you so much that you'll end up getting down from the train at any random station that you see and run for your life.(wishing you never come across someone like that ever again)
4.The 'I don't care' type : This is the best type of women you may come across in the compartment(my personal favorite).They enter the train,sit if they find a vacant seat or just stand.Then they put on the 'Universally recognized DND sign'- the EARPHONES !
Fights take place- they don't care.
Babies cry - they don't care
Someone falls - they don't care
Basically they don't give a darn about anything.Once their station comes,they get down unostentatiously.It seems they've adopted the 'Koi kahe kehta rahe ,kitna bhi humko deewana' policy.God bless them.
5.The gang : As the name suggests,it is an alliance of 4 or more women or girls having something in common (eg.same office, same college, same boarding station,same sex chromosomes etc) They get into the train either laughing or shouting.Then they try their level best to get nearby seats so that they sit besides each other.Then they start talking at a pitch way above the audible range for human hearing.They talk about weird topics which includes maids, bosses,children,husbands and yes also crack lame non vegetarian jokes.
6.The touch me not : This type of people should rather sit at home than travelling.The reason behind saying this is that they feel offended by even a slight touch.(I mean what do you expect woman.In an overcrowded compartment how do you expect to remain untouched?)They should actually come wrapped in a gift wrap because they think they are too precious!Period.
Well there is definitely more to it which includes the I was born to sleep type (they get into the train,ask someone to wake them up at their desired station and just go off to sleep.*Bliss*) or the Band Baaja Baraat type (they are dressed up as if they are either getting married or headed for someone's marriage wearing all the ornaments that they posses at the same time.Seriously, you start counting their ornaments its 25 and you know you're not even half way there.They give the Observant a job opportunity) or the Daredevil type(they create thrill in their life by hanging almost their entire torso out of the door) and so on.These are the harmless,rare and extra-ordinary types respectively.
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