FAQs to a Medico

Disclaimer : These are not viva questions or IMPs or V.V.IMPs (Very Very Important questions as we call them) for terms.

Firstly, I apologize for not posting anything for a long interval because I had a writer's block ( naah that's not true, just that it sounds more professional). Okay, I was suffering from an illness ( again not true, sounds more dramatic though). But on a serious note I had my exams! And that's why I couldn't post anything( I know all of you will buy this one!)

Okay so we get back to the topic, which is 'Frequently asked questions to a Medico'.
Well, I figured it out in the last 2 years that its not only me but almost every medical student who has to go through one or all of these questions. And the questioning panel includes neighbors, distant neighbors, first floor wale 'pakau' uncle, relatives like mom's non blood related cousin sister, dad's cousin brother about whom you have been unheard of until now, bread anda wala below your building, watchman uncle, friends who are doing anything and everything apart from medicine and almost everybody else who doesn't give a darn about you but are more likely to ask you emotionally torturing questions.

It always starts with this:

{In case you live in a hostel}
Neighbour 1 : Hey, when did you come?    (this is when they see me get out of the car with a huge bag in hand early in the morning) and I am thinking I came before the earth was born.

[Now aunty now! I came just now. Can't you get it???]

And then its twin question:

Neighbour 2 : So when are you planning to return?
Me : *thinking* (Woah! Who are you to ask me that? This is my house. And currently you are the one who is standing on my property. You leave. Not me)
*just thinking*

The next most staggering question which everyone of us has to answer is :

Uncle : Beta, kya kar rahe ho?
Me: Uncle MBBS.
Uncle : Oh! Okay that's nice. MBBS me kya?
Me : *smothering myself to death*

All this while you have thought that you look extremely beautiful/handsome whatever goes your way, until you hear this :

Aunty 1 : Oh God! Look at you. You look so thin. Don't they give you good food in the hostel??

Aunty 2 : You look so different now! Is there anything wrong ?          
( Basically you look ugly. Basically who is going to marry you now. Basically your life is finished.)

This particular question is more painful than pricking yourself for blood in the haematology lab :

Random relative: So, dead body cut kia ke nahi? Darr laga rahega na?
Me : Firstly its dissection. Secondly its not the only thing medical students do. There's a lot more to it. There's Pathology, there's Pharmacology and many other subjects which are alien to non-medicos. Plus there's watching seasons of every damned series aired on TV..duh! Life's busy for us. So please stop bugging us with this question.

And there's this bargaining that occurs:

Distant Uncle ( really distant I mean Borivali ke bhi aage ) : Beta ab toh tum Doctor ban jaoge. Uske baad mujhe free me treatment doge na? Rishtedaaron se kya fees lena. Hain na?

[ Yeah! I have over 100 relatives. And I am asked to treat everyone for free. Now that's what is called generosity.]

Friend (who is currently doing some degree in some college in some course other than Medicine): Hey Scholar, how are you? How much do you study mahn? For becoming a doctor people say you need to study all day long. Do you really study that much?
Me: *just smiles and runs away as fast as one can*

[ What satisfaction will you get if I answer this question? What do you want to prove? Mahn you are seriously out of my Facebook friend list and I am also going to stop following you on Instagram and I am not kidding on this.]

One thing that not only Medicos but students from any stream are afraid of is someone asking their marks. That's a total no-no. And that becomes even more painful when someone asks it in front of your parents. Here's a live demonstration of it :

(At home when guests come for dinner with a desire to screw you up completely)

Fat cousin's dad : So, what's your percentage for this semester?
Me: *drinks water until he forgets about the question*

Again the same uncle: Yeah, you didn't tell me your marks, did you?
Me : *runs to the loo, not wanting to come out*

Uncle while he's leaving: Percentage?
Me: Okay Uncle ji. Bye. Safe journey. *runs back to room*

[Never ask such questions. Never ever. They are devastating and sad and shake us to the core. Haven't you seen the new B*rnvita commercial? Duh?]

Well, most of us react, some respond while others just choose to ignore such questions. But that has become a part and parcel of our lives now.

See you until next time.

Special mention to Sam ( name changed because he's too shy) for all the Hindi that I have used.