Whatsapp statuses!
After reading the title, you must be thinking that this post is like those posts which claim to have '101 awesome statuses for Whatsapp' or '1001 funny Whatsapp statuses'. If you are thinking that way, well I am really sorry then. Because this post is basically a rant about different Whatsapp statuses, sticking to the fact that a Whatsapp status is usually a depiction of the user's mood and very often reflects his/her characteristics.
So incase you are one of those people who have plenty of idle time and who often check people's Whatsapp statuses like an unemployed person looks for vacancy in the columns of TOI, then you are at the right place my friend. Sit back and read along.
Okay so first on the list is the 'Hey there, I am using Whatsapp' status : There are people who haven't changed this status even after using Whatsapp for years. Keeping this status, I believe, is an indication of poor mental fertility. Laziness personified seriously! And plus it is so OBVIOUS! ( Arey Whatsapp install kelyavar Facebook kase use karnar baba ??)
Number 2 is the 'BUSY' status : You know that there are always a few people who have their status as 'busy' since Adam made it out with Eve. Mahn! Why are you so busy? Are you counting the stars or solving the mystery of the Bermuda triangle? These people pretend to be so busy that if Thomas Edison would have been a little late, one of these guys might have invented the light bulb!
Number 3: The exact opposite is the 'Available' status. People keeping their status as available and actually being available is like Flipkart saying delivery in 2 days and actually delivering in 2 days.Too much honesty. I mean, they are literally available all the time. Who pays your internet bills bro? Even Zuckerburg doesn't use Whatsapp to the extent that you do? Why do you have to constantly text people and help them acknowledge your existence? You know these are the kind of people who constantly text good morning, good evening, Jai Shiv Jayanti, happy Sunday texts on Whatsapp groups. How can you be so free? Please get a life dude. There's more to do than Whatsapp.
The next on the list is the 'Happy birthday status':
Subtype MALE - 'Happy birthday ABC. Enjoy' ( that's it)
Subtype FEMALE - 'Happy birthday XYZ (kissing emoji, cake, balloons, dancing girls emojis). I love you to the moon and back ( moon emoji). You are God's gift to me and I love you so much my cupcake (red, yellow, blue hearts, blushing emoji, monkey with closed eyes emoji) additional dots and exclamation marks.
[ The very next day, this same girl to her best friend, "Do you know XYZ is such a bit**? She did not even invite me to her party and her birthday dress was so disgusting. I hate her so much]. No explanation needed. Not all girls though.
Number 5 The " Inspirational quotes" status : These people are the ones who are the biggest hypocrites in the world. These people have an additional base in their DNA apart from the usual A T G C ... its called the H base. H = hypocrisy. Seriously, these are the ones who think they come after Dalai Lama. They have so much knowledge to offer. The only thing is that they should follow it themselves first. Half nude display picture of a guy with his status reading ' It all lies in the eyes!' ( What? Why did you take your shirt off then?). Display picture of a girl with loads of foundation, bright red lipstick, eyes underlined with kohl, ounces of mascara with status reading 'beauty lies in simplicity'. (Oh yeah! You don't tell us that). Person who flunked all his tests putting his status as 'Hard work and dedication take you to your goal' ( Dude please. You have neither of them). [Safed jhut. Its like Aladeen asking for fair elections in Wadia. It never happens that way boss!]
Number 6: The "breakup" status. You are in a very happy mood. You sit on your couch relaxing yourself and scrolling through your Whatsapp checking out people's statuses. And tusshhh...!! Suddenly you read this " I always loved you. But you never realized that. How could you do this to me? I can't breathe without you. You were my life. And now that you have gone, I don't wish to live"
Darn! You are completely shattered. Quality time lost. Peace of mind lost.
P.S. Paris just suffered from terrorism. I misplaced my driving licence somewhere. My dog is constipating. Basically there are bigger problems in the world dude.
Number 7: The "Song" status. Why in the world is there a need to put some random song as your status? Its like you wanted to become a lyricist and now that you can't become one, you use Whatsapp as your platform to show case your talent. At least be original.
The next comes the " High-end English one word status": People keep words such as 'Pulchritudinous' or 'Weltschmerz' as their statuses. Oh come on! Which school did you graduate from? I don't even know if that's English. Am I supposed to sit with a dictionary open to decipher the meaning of your status? Well for all such people #jastashahanpanabaranahi take this!
Next is the emoticon status : These people are literally logophobic ( okay sorry, they have fear of words) or may be too lazy to type. In that case they prefer putting up a status full of emojis. You know they actually try to tell you a story through their status. It's like they've grown up physically............only! They have a profound love for emojis which they clearly display through their status. Bhai bada ho ja!
TUSS ( The Ultrashort Slang Status) : They write something which only they themselves can understand. What do you get from a status which reads 'GTH. IHU. WOT. WAM.' *me facepalms*
Listen dude you just forgot to put something in your status, its the vowels and also some SENSE!
It is pointless just as accelerating while pressing the breaks or like trying to cover a distance of 100 kilometers while running .......on a treadmill! You are going nowhere dude. We don't get what you wanna say !
The informative status : These people want other people to know about every thing that happens in their life. Their statuses be like ' Got a brand new IPhone'( okay ), ' Had an awesome day at The Marriott' ( okay cool), ' In love ', 'broke up', 'chipped my nail while making my hair', 'lost 2 kilograms of weight' ( Not okay. Not at all okay). They just don't understand the meaning of 'personal'. What should I do if your nail chipped? Get you a manicure? And what if you had a break up bro? This is the third time you are keeping this status. Let me tell you it doesn't make a difference in my life. Stop newsflashing everything. It irritates people like me.
Okay. So that's it. I hope you could relate to some of it.
And yeah, I've written most of the statuses that I mentioned above like the song and busy and available and happy birthday ones! :-p
Other people's mistakes sound funnier though! *wink*
So incase you are one of those people who have plenty of idle time and who often check people's Whatsapp statuses like an unemployed person looks for vacancy in the columns of TOI, then you are at the right place my friend. Sit back and read along.
Okay so first on the list is the 'Hey there, I am using Whatsapp' status : There are people who haven't changed this status even after using Whatsapp for years. Keeping this status, I believe, is an indication of poor mental fertility. Laziness personified seriously! And plus it is so OBVIOUS! ( Arey Whatsapp install kelyavar Facebook kase use karnar baba ??)
Number 2 is the 'BUSY' status : You know that there are always a few people who have their status as 'busy' since Adam made it out with Eve. Mahn! Why are you so busy? Are you counting the stars or solving the mystery of the Bermuda triangle? These people pretend to be so busy that if Thomas Edison would have been a little late, one of these guys might have invented the light bulb!
Number 3: The exact opposite is the 'Available' status. People keeping their status as available and actually being available is like Flipkart saying delivery in 2 days and actually delivering in 2 days.Too much honesty. I mean, they are literally available all the time. Who pays your internet bills bro? Even Zuckerburg doesn't use Whatsapp to the extent that you do? Why do you have to constantly text people and help them acknowledge your existence? You know these are the kind of people who constantly text good morning, good evening, Jai Shiv Jayanti, happy Sunday texts on Whatsapp groups. How can you be so free? Please get a life dude. There's more to do than Whatsapp.
The next on the list is the 'Happy birthday status':
Subtype MALE - 'Happy birthday ABC. Enjoy' ( that's it)
Subtype FEMALE - 'Happy birthday XYZ (kissing emoji, cake, balloons, dancing girls emojis). I love you to the moon and back ( moon emoji). You are God's gift to me and I love you so much my cupcake (red, yellow, blue hearts, blushing emoji, monkey with closed eyes emoji) additional dots and exclamation marks.
[ The very next day, this same girl to her best friend, "Do you know XYZ is such a bit**? She did not even invite me to her party and her birthday dress was so disgusting. I hate her so much]. No explanation needed. Not all girls though.
Number 5 The " Inspirational quotes" status : These people are the ones who are the biggest hypocrites in the world. These people have an additional base in their DNA apart from the usual A T G C ... its called the H base. H = hypocrisy. Seriously, these are the ones who think they come after Dalai Lama. They have so much knowledge to offer. The only thing is that they should follow it themselves first. Half nude display picture of a guy with his status reading ' It all lies in the eyes!' ( What? Why did you take your shirt off then?). Display picture of a girl with loads of foundation, bright red lipstick, eyes underlined with kohl, ounces of mascara with status reading 'beauty lies in simplicity'. (Oh yeah! You don't tell us that). Person who flunked all his tests putting his status as 'Hard work and dedication take you to your goal' ( Dude please. You have neither of them). [Safed jhut. Its like Aladeen asking for fair elections in Wadia. It never happens that way boss!]
Number 6: The "breakup" status. You are in a very happy mood. You sit on your couch relaxing yourself and scrolling through your Whatsapp checking out people's statuses. And tusshhh...!! Suddenly you read this " I always loved you. But you never realized that. How could you do this to me? I can't breathe without you. You were my life. And now that you have gone, I don't wish to live"
Darn! You are completely shattered. Quality time lost. Peace of mind lost.
P.S. Paris just suffered from terrorism. I misplaced my driving licence somewhere. My dog is constipating. Basically there are bigger problems in the world dude.
Number 7: The "Song" status. Why in the world is there a need to put some random song as your status? Its like you wanted to become a lyricist and now that you can't become one, you use Whatsapp as your platform to show case your talent. At least be original.
The next comes the " High-end English one word status": People keep words such as 'Pulchritudinous' or 'Weltschmerz' as their statuses. Oh come on! Which school did you graduate from? I don't even know if that's English. Am I supposed to sit with a dictionary open to decipher the meaning of your status? Well for all such people #jastashahanpanabaranahi take this!
Next is the emoticon status : These people are literally logophobic ( okay sorry, they have fear of words) or may be too lazy to type. In that case they prefer putting up a status full of emojis. You know they actually try to tell you a story through their status. It's like they've grown up physically............only! They have a profound love for emojis which they clearly display through their status. Bhai bada ho ja!
TUSS ( The Ultrashort Slang Status) : They write something which only they themselves can understand. What do you get from a status which reads 'GTH. IHU. WOT. WAM.' *me facepalms*
Listen dude you just forgot to put something in your status, its the vowels and also some SENSE!
It is pointless just as accelerating while pressing the breaks or like trying to cover a distance of 100 kilometers while running .......on a treadmill! You are going nowhere dude. We don't get what you wanna say !
The informative status : These people want other people to know about every thing that happens in their life. Their statuses be like ' Got a brand new IPhone'( okay ), ' Had an awesome day at The Marriott' ( okay cool), ' In love ', 'broke up', 'chipped my nail while making my hair', 'lost 2 kilograms of weight' ( Not okay. Not at all okay). They just don't understand the meaning of 'personal'. What should I do if your nail chipped? Get you a manicure? And what if you had a break up bro? This is the third time you are keeping this status. Let me tell you it doesn't make a difference in my life. Stop newsflashing everything. It irritates people like me.
Okay. So that's it. I hope you could relate to some of it.
And yeah, I've written most of the statuses that I mentioned above like the song and busy and available and happy birthday ones! :-p
Other people's mistakes sound funnier though! *wink*
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| compilation of some statutes currently on my Whatsapp |
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